On Anne Hathaway

This post was originally published on the facebook wall of a friend. She did not respond. 

On my flight home from Montreal through Iceland the man next to me was watching Interstellar which I never bothered to watch because it looked like there was going to be SO MUCH DUST in the darn movie. And do you think I watch movies to feel parched? Guess again Hollywood. But glancing over at his screen I saw Anne Hathaway (who I forgot was in the movie) with her little boy haircut and I had these two thoughts one after the other:

1) Pixie cut Anne Hathaway makes dust worthwhile

2) I should watch everything Anne Hathaway has ever done.

For the rest of the flight I would take cheeky peeks at the man’s screen hoping to catch another glimpse of the Hath-attack but was frequently disappointed to see only shots of men looking glum and shouting at each other on dunes.
And as suspected, there was SO MUCH DUST!

In conclusion here are some fun play-on-words I came up with for Anne Hathaway’s name:

Next time you’re out getting a cup of joe with the girls, order a Hath-caf. Careful! may need to double down on the coffee sleeves with this one, it’s extra hot!

Looking for a computer game to play with the girls? Something elegant and fun but with the gravitas to get you thinking as well? Check out famous first person shooter Hath-Life! Don’t be surprised if you get hooked and have to play the sequel, after all we all want to experience the Hath-Life Too!

Uh oh! Been partying a little too much with the girls and have developed a crippling drug habit? Before being able to properly reintegrate into society you may need to spend time in a Hathway House. Goodbye drug habit, hello drug Hathit!

Yikes! You and the girls got mixed up in a whirlwind race for an ancient artifact against some no-good Nazis? Just hope you’re not caught and pressed for information, they Hathavays of making you talk! Something about their frank eyes and timeless good-looks just opens up your heart.

There’s nothing like helping clean up and decontaminate the scene at the source of a deadly biological weapons outbreak with the girls. Just be sure you wear your Hath-mat suits! Their pale silken texture will protect you while also having the lunar appearance that inspires poetry in the souls of those that see it!

Looking to rock out with the girls? Check out Rammstein’s hit Du Hath. Boy is it a catchy melody, after a couple spins you’ll be declaring this tune top of the pops!

If there’s one thing you and the girls love it’s guys with skills. Whether they be nunchuck skills, bow-hunting skill or computer Hathing skills, girls only want boyfriends with skills! The latter is truly always welcome and a real boon for the modern age.

Needless to say there is more where this came from. As the line goes: “this is my Hathening, and it freaks me out!”


from the desk of the arby’s witch.


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